Fix Me
by damblings
Summary: Kakashi loses his arm during a mission and Sakura tries to fix him. [Angst, Kakasaku]
1. Chapter 1

Sakura was used to trauma. When she first started working at the hospital, the arriving frenzy of an emergency case used to make a beached whale out of Sakura. She was useless and in the way, and she never knew what to do. When the nurses asked her for instructions she'd sputter and drop her tools and freeze. But over the past three years she'd gained experience and discipline. She trained her mind to think even when it didn't want to, forced her hands to work when she wanted to run away. Now she fell into line as easily as a leaf into the wind. She was a doctor; trauma was her muse.

That still didn't prepare her for the day her former sensei was rushed into the hospital.

"Sakura, hurry, it's Hatake-san," said one of the nurses. "It's critical."

Kakashi had been to the hospital before. Hell, Sakura couldn't count how many times the self-sacrificing copynin had been confined to a hospital bed for over using his sharingan or getting into a bad situation on an elite mission. He always requested her, when he was conscious; she always scolded him, patched him up, and sent him on his way. More than once he'd been sewn up by his grumbling former student, who had yet to catch a glimpse of what was under his mask, even though she'd seen what was under his clothes.

"What has he done now," she hissed under her breath as she picked up her stethoscope, flung it around her neck, and started after the nurse. She didn't even think as she saw the silver haired man on a stretcher, completely drenched in blood and lying unconscious. Her mind was mute as she started CPR, which she had performed on him at least twice before. He coughed and spat and opened his eyes.

"It's okay Kakashi-sensei," she said. "I've got you. Hang in there."

He looked at her for a brief moment before passing out again. She ordered several pints of blood, having memorized his type, and started looking for the source of his bleed. There was a large, but shallow, laceration stretching across his temple and into his hairline, and a gash near his left collarbone. Deciding on what solution would be best for his wounds came as easily to Sakura as putting each foot in front of the other every day. Then she pulled back a tangle of bloody wrappings to inspect the rest of his body.

What she saw made Sakura stop in her tracks.

_"Where in the hell is his arm!?"_

She looked around at the medical team, searching for an answer or anything that looked like a forearm severed at the elbow, when another medic rushed to catch up to them. "Here it is," he said meekly, offering Sakura a cardboard box, obviously grabbed from the scene as improvisation, filled with several layers of cloth stained red. She stared at the box, took it into her hands, and looked inside.

Doctors always owed it to their patients to remain calm and level-headed, but today she would disappoint Kakashi, and in more ways than one.

"Get him to the operating room," she managed to get out to the rest of the team. "I'll.. I'll be there in just a second."


	2. Chapter 2

"This happens all the time," she said. "After some rehabilitation, you'll learn how to adjust. You don't have to change your lifestyle."

Sakura hard stared at her reflection in the hospital bathroom mirror and tried to fake a smile. She did it all the time with other patients, offering the worst cases only slivers of hope on spreading smiles. But this case was different. And the smile didn't reach her eyes. Kakashi-sensei would see right through her facade.

She sighed and looked down into the sink. Water dripped from the faucet, and Sakura turned the knob tighter to the left. Droplets still fell to the drain, and with a scowl she walked away. _Not everything can be fixed_, she said to herself. _He'll forgive you_.

"He will hate me," she said to nurse Azumi while walking to his room. "He won't forgive me for this."

The nurse sighed and placed her arm on Sakura's shoulder. "He will be mad, but that's to be expected," she said. "But it's not your fault, Haruno-san."

They arrived at his door and Sakura paused for a moment outside. "Alright, wish me luck," she said nervously.

She didn't know if she was prepared for what she would find inside.

Another medic stood by Kakashi's bed, where he was quietly recording stats onto his clipboard. Sakura eyed him as she entered, watching as he noted her presence and then rounded the bed to leave. "He hasn't said anything yet," the doctor said.

Sakura's eyebrows lifted. "How long has he been awake?"

"Since early this morning," he replied. "He hasn't eaten, yet."

_I'm right over here_, she could hear her former sensei say.

Sakura approached the older shinobi. He was reclined but sitting up, his remaining arm beside his lap. Her eyes fell to his other arm, which was now nonexistent below his elbow. A large knot of bandages covered what was left, and though they appeared recently changed, she could see a faint hint of red edging into the material from his wound. Sakura stood awkwardly beside his bed.

"Your amputation went well," she said. "I need to examine your other wounds.. is that okay?"

His uncovered eye followed her, but Kakashi said nothing. Sakura reached forward and pulled his shirt up, inspecting several lacerations she'd sewn up on his ribcage, including a deep stab wound just above his hip. Kakashi flinched when her hands touched his skin.

"Oh- cold fingers," she said.

_I noticed that._

"The gash above your hip bone is deep, but it will heal with time. It punctured your intestines but I was able to seal the wound."

Still he said nothing. Sakura continued pressing against his abdomen, checking for any unusual swelling. The room was very obviously quiet. "Are you in a lot of pain?"

_Nothing I can't handle. _

Sakura smirked, knowing exactly what he would say, if he was speaking. "Don't exaggerate," she mumbled. Sakura noticed she was the only person in the room who found his lack of answer amusing, and suddenly there were tears welling up in her eyes.

"Kakashi-sensei," she said, her tone softer. "I'm.. I'm so_ sorry.."_

He looked up at her, and Sakura saw there were tears in his eyes, too.

"Sakura," he said. "Please... _fix me_."


	3. Chapter 3

It was too much for Sakura. She couldn't stand the tears in his eyes, and a split second later she turned tail and fled the room. Sakura evaded the gaze of a curious passing medic and sought refuge in a nearby empty storage closet. Locking the door behind her, she slipped to the floor and buried her face into her hands.

Kakashi-sensei had come to the hospital in a variety of conditions in the past. He'd been there on the brink of death, and with determination Sakura dragged him back, every single time. It wasn't like she hadn't seen him vulnerable or wounded before, but she'd never seen him cry. Sakura curled her arms around her knees and desperately tried to remember any instance in which the copynin, notorious for his deadpan face, had exposed himself enough to cry in front of her. The guilt that weighed on Sakura was a thousand times worse if only because she'd never seen him that... _raw_.

There had been once, when he had divulged in her a story from his past. He was a little bit drunk and she was supposed to be participating in a speed dating event Ino had talked her into, but Kakashi had watched and snickered into his cup so much that Sakura had given up on the third round. "All of them look like they live with their mother," he said to her when she grabbed a seat beside him. With a huff she ordered a round for them both.

"So? I live with my mother," she grumbled.

"Mmm. But you're a prestigious Konoha medic, apprentice to the Hokage, _my_ former student. I bet that one works at the grocery store." He flippantly pointed to a man that could pass as the most handsome of the bunch.

"There's nothing wrong with working at a grocery store," she said. His compliment didn't go unnoticed, however- as egotistic as it was. "You're a mean drunk, Kakashi-sensei."

He laughed and turned around in his seat, taking one of the cups the bartender placed in front of them. The next few hours proceeded with the two of them getting properly hammered, and by the time the bartender cut them off with a last round, Sakura was leaning on Kakashi's shoulder. But she _still_ hadn't seen him lower his mask; he always seemed to drink when she blinked or looked away.

"Okay, so I know why I'm getting smashed," she hiccuped. "Nobody likes me and I'm going to die alone. But what about you Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi reached over and ruffled her hair with a hearty laugh. "You're cute, Sakura," he said in a bubbly tone. She felt her face getting hot again but feigned a pout.

"I'm serious. Why are you drinking alone?"

"Too long of a story," he said, taking the last sip of his sake. His easy going smile never left his face- or what could be seen of it. "You don't want to listen to an old man like me ramble about his troubles. How about we call it a night, hmm?" Kakashi then moved to get up, but Sakura was more determined than that. She reached up, grabbed him by the sleeve and with an effortless tug sat him back down. He looked at her with a wide eye.

"Tell me," she insisted.

"Alright, alright," he said, wrestling his sleeve out of her grasp. "Remind me never to doubt your persuasive powers again," he mumbled.

It was closing time when he finished talking about a comrade who'd died years and years ago, slurring through his usually articulate vocabulary and pausing every once in a while to gauge Sakura's reaction. He didn't let on how she died, and spent the majority of the time talking about things she did- beating him in a match, sharing her lunch with him, saving his ass on missions.

She could tell he didn't want to upset her, but at the same time, he clearly wanted to get some of the pain off his shoulders. _Maybe to share with someone else_. When the doors locked behind them, they went to walk alongside the river, and Sakura forgot half of the things they talked about.

The next time she saw that stress behind his eyes, he was slouched against the wall outside the hospital at the end of her shift.

"Wanna grab a drink?"

"Only if we don't drink as much as last time," Sakura said. "I ripped off my neighbor's door the next day for playing their television too loud, you know. I had to pay for it."

He laughed and fell into stride beside her.

Then it was Sakura's turn, who greeted him at the gates of Konoha as he returned from a mission. She grabbed him, disregarding the dirt caked onto his tattered clothing, and started pulling him off in the direction of a bar.

"Ah- Sakura- my mission-"

"I already told Tsunade you'd turn it in later," she said.

He chuckled behind her. "Kaito turned out to be a jerk?"

"Yep," she replied. Then their tradition of drinking together whenever life stressed them out began.


End file.
